Lisa L. Frady, LCSW
Updated: Sep 4, 2018
Pity means feeling sorry for another. Pity is UNHEALTHY; it is power and control based. When we pity another, we take on their responsibility to fix their problem for them and then we suffer their consequences. As a result of suffering their consequences, we build resentment. In reaction to the resentment, we try to get them to see their behavior as being problematic. To do that, we use various Power and Control tactics; then we use justification, minimization, denial or blame to excuse our use of those Power and Control tactics. As a result of our use of Power and Control tactics, the other person views us as being the problem, because we are being controlling, rather than them being able to see their behavior as problematic.
Pity is debilitating; through it. we convey the message that the other is incapable of fixing their own problem. This is absolutely untrue. They may not have ever had to fix their own problem so they may not necessarily know how but they are capable of learning; they may need guidance.